Friday, November 21, 2008


Warning: This is a brutal, bolt, and somewhat offensive review – not vulgar or inappropriate, but harsh and mean. Every point is backed with evidence. Made for a movie for teen girls and lonely middle-age women, based on a book made for people who have never read a good book before

Rated PG-13 for some violence and a scene of sensuality.


No matter how bad this or any other reviews for Twilight are,
the movie will still make millions and millions of dollars. Because
there are so many blind fans of Stephenie Meyer’s books, the movie is
critic proof. So I’m going to try my best to convey to you how awfully
bad this movie is so you don’t waste your time or your money in
supporting talentless entertainment.


Twilight tells
the story of an awkward teen named Bella Swan who moves to the small
town Forks, Washington to live with her dad. It doesn’t take time for
Bella to fall for a strange outcast classmate Edward Cullen.

Edward shows supernatural speed and strength while saving her from
being smashed by a runaway car, Bella begins to question his powers.
Shortly thereafter she finds out that he and his family are
“vegetarian” vampires, feeding solely on animals – not humans. Instead
of being afraid of their potential danger, Bella flocks to them and
falls in teen-love with Edward.

real plot and conflict doesn’t enter until 90 minutes into this
two-plus-hour movie when a trio of evil vampires (meaning they feed on
humans) introduces themselves to the Cullens. After catching a whiff of
Bella’s flesh, two of the three set their sights on draining her veins
– so much so that they follow her across the United States.


Twilight very well could have been a great story. But it’s not. It’s boring. Nothing ever happens.

way the story is told is insulting to an audience. The movie leaves
blatantly obvious hints at where the story will be going in the next
installments. While leaving the theater, I asked my 14-year-old Twilight know-it-all sister-in-law if my predictions on each of the next three storylines were correct. Sure enough, I was dead-on.

idea of vampires has been around for hundreds of years. For some
reason, Meyer decided to rewrite their mythology. Her vampires can go
out during the daytime. If sunlight touches their skin, it only shows
them the way they really appear – sparkly skinned. Stakes through the
heart don’t kill vampires; you must remove their heads and limbs, and
then set them on fire. But like the vampires in

0 1/2 out of 5

blog comments powered by Disqus