Do you remember that iconic black & white photo of a sailor kissing a woman as they celebrate the end of World War II in the streets of New York City? The lobby of the Jordan Commons Megaplex was filled with an equally positive cheer after the press screening of Breaking Dawn – Part 2. The fans were excited to see their cherished books done justice and the critics were even happier because we all knew that we didn’t have to waste another minute on this daft franchise. Cheers all around!
Part 2 follows suit with the rest of the franchise and doesn’t do a single thing. Towards the beginning of the movie, the most attractive character in the whole film – no, not leading lady Kristen Stewart, but Ashley Greene – has a premonition of an Italian gang coming to kill the Cullen family – including the newest addition, a demon baby named Renesmee. Since this confrontational battle isn’t going to happen until the movie’s climax, what is the other two-thirds filled with? Nothing.
Bella inherits a special power as a “newborn” vampire and, along with a set of seasoned vampires, she going to work on training herself to use it – but that’s not even the plot of this movie. Bella’s training takes place in two laughably bad montage scenes that take up no more than five minutes of the movie’s nearly two-hour runtime. I’m not kidding when I say that nothing happens in Twilight. Even after the action-packed finale’s twist is revealed, it only proves once again that nothing happens in these movies.
I’ve wasted over ten hours of my life on this pointless franchise and can’t explain how relieved I am knowing that it’s over – for now, that is. How long do you think it will be before the hack author is forced to revisit the Twilight world just to try to stay in the entertainment industry? If she doesn’t come back to write more Twilight books, she’s sure to remake these tragically bad movies again before too long. Until then, I’m putting this behind me.
Photo credit: Summit Entertainment