Friday, June 15, 2012

That's My Boy

A low-brow laughless so-called comedy. Made for fans of "stoopid" Sandler movies.

Rated R

for crude sexual content throughout, nudity, pervasive language and some drug use.

That's My Boy

That’s it. I’m done with Adam Sandler. Any sign of him ever returning to good teenage/adult comedies is forever gone. That’s My Boy tries to return Sandler to his crude and raunchy roots (have you ever heard his comedy albums?), but fails in a long, drawn-out and miserable fashion. R.I.P. Adam Sandler. You’re dead to me.

That’s My Boy opens with a teenage version of Sandler’s character Donny having an affair with his smoking hot teacher. When the two are literally caught in the act, she’s sent away to prison for 30+ years – but not without leaving a memento behind for him. Turns out she got pregnant along the way and Donny to forced by the court to raise the kid. Yep – that’s just how stupid and unbelievable this movie is. You’re expected to believe that a judge would hand a baby over to a 15-year-old punk.

Via lame opening credits, we learn that Donny became an overnight sensation – a celebrity – for having knocked up his teacher. In the bizarro world in which this is set, I guess that’s a commendable act. Now, twenty-something years later, Donny is a has-been washed-up former child star. Who does he hang out with? Vanilla Ice and other washed-up ’80s icons. Wait a sec! Isn’t this the same plot to David Spade’s Dicky Roberts? Yes, yes it is. In fact, I never thought I’d ever say this, but I’d rather watch Dicky Roberts over this absurd affair. For starters, Dicky Roberts is a lot shorter.

Andy Samberg plays Donny’s now-grown-up son, Han Solo. Yes, Donny named his kid Han Solo. This is the unfunny crap that Sandler and his not-too-saavy friends come up with and mistake as entertainment. When Han Solo turned 18, he left his terrible father behind and forged a new successful life without him.

Donny now faces going to prison for owing $50,000 in back taxes – wait another sec! Isn’t that very similar to the debacle that Sandler found himself in in Happy Gilmore? Right again, sir! Apparently, Adam Sandler is worried about back-taxes and not being able to pay them, because it’s really starting to shine through in his movies.

You’d think that the majority of the movie was all about Donny using his successful son to get the 50 grand, but it’s not. Sort of. That’s how it starts off, but then it tries being a sentimental reunion flick. The 50 grand thing only pops up to create a lame conflict in the end.

As sentimental as That’s My Boy is and tries to be, that PG-13 aspect is counter-acted with terribly unfunny R-rated lowest-common-denominator humor. Dumb and gross 12-year-old boy humor is mistaken for solid R-rated hilarity. If you thought that the whole “banging his teacher” story was stupid enough, know that it goes far beyond that. There’s masturbation, geriatric sex and incest – all for the sake of … comedy? What a stupid, stupid waste of time.

From a guy who could quote the majority of Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison verbatim, it hurts me to say that I wish Sandler would just disappear.

Photo credit: Sony

0 1/2 out of 5

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