Movie Reviews  |  PG-13  |  View Trailer  |  Apr 2, 2010

"Clash of the Titans" is a dramatic movie. You know how I know this? Everyone speaks in gruffly hushed voices and barely audible whispers, or they just yell at the top of their lungs. There's no happy medium, no regular conversations. Just dramatic whisperings that put the overly dramatic whisperings of "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" to shame.

The people of ancient Greece have become disenchanted with their gods. Men have grown prideful and forgotten that Zeus (Liam Neeson) gave them life in the first place. In an act of defiance, men topple a large statue of Zeus - they have declared war on the gods. Immediately afterwards, the soldiers responsible are attacked by winged beasts that start throwing them into the sea. You'd think these types of encounters with the power of the gods would dissuade the humans from doing anything else so reckless, but they're a stubborn bunch.

Saved as a child, Perseus (Sam Worthington) is a demigod - half man, half god - and Zeus' son. Perseus is found at sea by a fisherman who adopts him and raises him as his own. After Perseus' adopted family is killed by the god of the Underworld, Hades (Ralph Fiennes), Perseus swears revenge. Being half god, he may just have a chance. Zeus agrees to let Hades loose on the Earth to teach the humans a lesson.

Hades appears and disappears in a giant cloud of billowing black smoke. Being leader of the Underworld plays hell - pun intended - with your complexion. When in human-like form Hades shuffles around, hissing his words like a snake and generally carrying around that overall sour demeanor we've come to expect from the Prince of Darkness. The rest of the gods are given bright, shining armor and sit atop Olympus growing stronger from the prayers of the people (we know this because the movie sees fit to repeat this fact over and over again in case we missed it the first time).

Perseus, in a matter of minutes and an explanation simply of having a god inside him, goes from pitiful fisherman to world's most powerful warrior. No montage needed; there's no time, even for montages. "Clash of the Titans" has one goal and one goal only: to show as many action scenes in its runtime as it possibly can. We're thrust from battles with undead kings to battles with giant scorpions to battles with Medusa to battles with the Kracken, all the while meeting new characters and never coming to know any of them.

Films like "Clash of the Titans" face the unfortunate reality that they're going to be compared, at one point or another, to the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. But there's one major difference that separates films like "Clash of the Titans" from "Lord of the Rings" - Peter Jackson knew that in "Lord of the Rings," for every awe-inspiring action scene he must have numerous character-building scenes leading up to it. What point is there for an action scene when it contains characters you don't care about? Perseus runs from one battle to the next without us ever getting to know him, let alone his band of rag-tag fighters. There's no one to care about here, which makes the action scenes lackluster no matter how spectacular they were intended to be.

Regarding the 3D of the film, it's a perfect example of how 3D can completely ruin the look and feel of a movie. From what feels like an afterthought, the 3D accompanying "Clash of the Titans" is some of the worst on the market. Like looking through a ViewMaster, this 3D kills whatever spectacular imagery might be lurking somewhere in this movie.

In the end, "Clash of the Titans" fails miserably trying to make us care about anyone or anything that's happening on screen with the 3D adding insult to injury. Far too many scenes are jaw-droppingly corny, cringe-worthy or both. What could have been a fun and exciting fanciful adventure comparable to "Lord of the Rings" becomes nothing more than "Transformers 2" of the ancient world.