Friday, September 3, 2010


A trashy, fast-moving, bloody, titty-filled FUN coaster. Made for anyone who loves over the top action, lots of blood and won't get offended easily.

Rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, language, some sexual content and nudity.


Back in 2007 Machete premiered as a fake trailer and played in front of the Grindhouse films (Planet Terror and Death Proof). Flash forward three years and due to the popularity of that original trailer, Director Robert Rodriquez (Desperado, Sin City, and yes, even Spy Kids) decided to release Machete as a full length feature.

I am not going to tell you much about the plot of Machete because truthfully, it’s not really necessary. The film is what it is and makes no apologies for being essentially a B movie on steroids. Danny Tejo plays Machete, a Mexican Federale who has the ability to dismantle anything in his way. The plot thickens when Machete is hired and fails to assassinate Texas’s Senator McLaughlin (played by Robert De Niro) for his incredibly radical views on immigration.

That is pretty much all you need to know. On the surface Machete is a satire on the real issue of immigration but at its core it is in reality a parody of bad films. If you go into it knowing that then it will all make sense and you will really enjoy it. Expect any more from it and you will probably walk away disappointed.

Realistically though, it doesn’t matter what Machete is about. The plot only exists to give Machete a stage to unleash his unrelenting carnage upon those that happen to get in his way. For guys this is the ultimate guy film. It has a story that you don’t need to think about. It contains crazy amounts of violence which equates to lots of bloodshed. There’s nudity but sadly, some of it is with Lindsay Lohan and not Jessica Alba (although in one scene you will get Jessica Alba “side boob”). To put the icing on the cake, it has the kind of over the top acting that will keep you laughing throughout the entirety of the film.

Seriously, this is one of those movies that if you are not instantly sold by watching the trailer then it is not for you. It is a trashy, fast-moving, bloody, titty-filled fun coaster. If that is your cup of tea, what are you waiting for? Go see Machete now and take your friends.

4 1/2 out of 5

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